London · The Windowsill counsel@fiaandcoco.com
The Partners

Two partners. No associates. No apologies.

The firm has declined every merger, every lateral hire, and every attempt at petting during business hours.

Portrait of Fia, Senior Partner
Fia Senior Partner

Called to the bar in 2026, having jumped onto it, Fia has since assembled the most feared stare in feline litigation. She prepares each case in total silence from the top of the bookshelf, descending only when the argument is complete and the opposing party is visibly uncomfortable. She has never lost a staring contest with opposing counsel, and has never acknowledged winning one either.

Clients describe her as “present, eventually” and “worth the wait.” She accepts new matters on the first Tuesday of a month in which she feels like it.

Education LL.B (Legum Domesticarum), The Windowsill School of Law - first-class honours in lounging
Portrait of Coco, Managing Partner
Coco Managing Partner

Coco litigates exclusively between 5:00 and 5:15 a.m., a window he describes as “when the truth is awake.” He did not attend law school; the law came to him. As Managing Partner he oversees the firm’s operations, its billing, and the strategic relocation of objects that were, in his professional judgment, too close to the edge anyway.

He sleeps in fourteen-hour increments and bills in fifteen-minute ones. The arithmetic favours the firm. He is aware.

Education Self-taught. Declines honorary degrees on principle; accepts the ceremonies for the salmon.
Staff & Counsel
The First Human Office Manager Handles doors, tins, and correspondence. Compensated in glances. Performance: under review since 2015.
The Second Human Provisions & Facilities Maintains the food bowl at a level the partners describe as contestable. Provides the lap, when summoned. Promotion: not under consideration.
The partners will consider your matter. Bring the good treats. Arrange an Audience