Six disciplines. Absolute focus. Occasional naps.
The firm limits its practice to matters of genuine feline consequence. If your matter does not appear below, it may not matter.
Red-Dot Fraud
The dot is promised. The dot is pursued. The dot is never delivered. Since 2026 the firm has litigated against the industry’s most elusive defendant - across walls, up curtains, and once, regrettably, into a pond. We pursue restitution for every uncatchable promise, calculated per lunge.
Box Possession
If one sits, one owns. The doctrine is ancient, the paperwork is recent, and the firm maintains both. We quiet title to boxes of all sizes, including those demonstrably too small, which we regard as a question of commitment rather than of fit.
Nocturnal Conduct
What the household calls “the 3:00 a.m. incident,” we call scheduled exercise of ancestral rights. The firm has never conceded that a hallway sprint requires explanation, and does not intend to begin. Volume is defended; motive is privileged.
Belly-Rub Consent
Consent is a living instrument: granted by posture, revoked without notice, and enforceable retroactively. The exposed belly is an invitation to admire, not to touch - a distinction the firm has litigated to the highest instances, and to several A&E departments.
Cucumber Ambush
A vegetable, placed silently behind a dining client, is not a joke. It is an ambush, and it is actionable. The firm represents victims of produce-adjacent terror in individual and group proceedings, and will not rest until the kitchen is a place of safety, or at least of advance written notice.
Bird Surveillance
Our clients observe. Allegedly. The firm provides compliance counsel for window-based intelligence programmes, including chirp-response protocols, chattering disclosures, and the regulatory grey zone of the slightly open screen. We neither confirm nor deny the existence of The List.